I
think I was a pretty cute baby to be honest. This is one of my favorite
childhood pictures, because I feel I look extremely innocent and
self-conscious. Even though I was so young, this pretty much sums up my
personality even as a young adult today. I remember I was always concerned
about being comfortable in the way I dress, as that made a huge difference in
my personality. I was forced to wear that sweater that I was not comfortable,
or happy with (as you can probably tell with the picture). So, as soon as the
photographer asked me to smile, I immediately froze, and just gave that
wide-eyed serious face. I used to make this face as sort of a defense
mechanism. Whenever I was put in difficult or uncomfortable situations, this
was the face I made. To an extent, I think we all have that face, in which you
put your guard up against the whole world. For me, it started at a very young
age.
As
I grew older, I gained a lot of exposure. I’ve always been a cheerful kind of
person, trying to look at the positive in almost everything. But the key word
here is TRYING. I’ve had to deal with a lot of changes and difficulties moving
from one place to another, finding new friends, and basically fitting in
wherever I’ve gone. So that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m constantly happy.
I just appear that way. What’s the point of complaining and sharing your
problems though? I mean, everyone has their own problems to deal with, so might
as well just suck it up and put a smile on that face.
So,
this is where the second picture comes in. As I grew older, I gained a way to
pretty much hide my insecurities or vulnerabilities, and that was through a
smile. This particular picture was taken during a day in which I basically had
to run an entire event for my college club. I was extremely happy of the
successful outcome, and was smiling on the outside. However, it just appears
that way. This was also the day after a very bad fight with a close friend of
mine. This was the day I was meeting this friend for the very first time after
that fight, because he was also a part of the club. I was smiling on the
outside, but was extremely hurt on the inside. The photographer just happened
to get the click of me smiling wide, or rather posing, as a billion mixed
emotions ran through me on the inside.
Thinking
too much is also part of what makes me, me. I tend to analyze and over analyze
certain instances, and drive myself crazy. It’s something I’m trying hard to
work on. This particular fight with my friend had torn me up inside. I mean who
really enjoys fights with close friends? This was the day that we couldn’t’ get
ourselves to talk or even make eye contact with each other. But, for the sake
of the club, we both had to suck up our egoes, and work together to make the
event work. We politely smiled, cracked fake jokes, and made minimal
conversations to run through those two torturous hours. Finally, when the day
ended, I ran out of there as soon as I could, and just analyzed the entire day.
Later on, I received several messages from my teammates and other members about
how well we had organized the event. They all just assumed that I had been
equally as ecstatic about the success. Yet, it was just that smile which fooled
them all.
Speaking
of success, I’m kind of obsessed with it too. I work extremely hard (perhaps a
bit of a biased outlook), and want to do well in life. When I was young, I
wanted to become a teacher so badly that I would set up my room with stuffed
animals and teach them with a wooden ruler in my hands. Then, as a teenager, I gained
a bit of an interest in science, and suddenly realized that I actually wanted
to become a veterinarian. I basically just had a love for animals that I
thought treating them would be the perfect profession for me. That was before I
visited a veterinary hospital, and witnessed a grotesque cat surgery right in
front of my eyes for a science project. Ever since that day, I have not stepped
foot in a veterinary hospital. So, then when I hit high school, I came to the
realization that I really enjoy studying and interacting with people. After all
that moving around, I thought psychology would be perfect for me. That
eventually molded into communication studies, and later journalism.
Ten years from now, I want to see myself
hosting my very own talk show, preferably a travel talk show called: ‘Arushi’s
Adventures,’ or maybe something less cheesier. I’ve just dreamt of roaming
through foreign cities and towns, munching on exotic snacks, and interacting with
the locals, like Samantha Brown! So the third picture isn’t exactly a talk
show, but it pretty much sums up this dream. This was taken during an
internship, in which News X interviewed me.
I
discovered my zeal for media when I moved back to India after several years
abroad. I realized this was something I was good at, not only because I had
always craved the spotlight, but also because this gave me a shot to reach out
to people. For someone like me who absolutely loves meeting people, this field
allows me to do just that in an influential manner. Through a talk show,
perhaps I can get the right platform to learn about the world and its people. I
hope to make a change, even the smallest change, through this platform. I dream
to be in front of the cameras one day, and becoming the voice of change and
learning.
This
is Arushi Dutt. This is me.
4 comments:
Dutt, So full of aspiration! I can see that all across in your pictures. I like your current picture it's a nice composition with you on the side yet in focus as compared to the green background that brings out the brightness in your personality.
I agree with Tej. Whatever is seen in the pictures and your description is true and I can tell that because I observe this in you. All the best! Remember I shall be your photographer ;)
Arushi:
This is easily the best post for this exercise! I appreciate the honesty with which you have written at length. I feel like I've got to know you a little more and would invite you to use this space to keep exploring and experimenting and learning while having fun. But that wasn't a self-portrait. I want you to post at least one self-portrait (not selfie) every day until sunday. We'll talk in class on monday.
A - Ajay
Thank you so much Sir!! Didn't even see these comments till now. I love creative outlets like these to just let all my thoughts out, because as you noticed I think a LOT. Hope to do more of these exercises through this blog!
--Arushi D
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