“You’re a moron, a loser, a good for nothing. You don’t like
what you were doing, you don’t know what you want to do. X has got a high
paying job, Y has moved to the US, Z has a display pic with Hrithik and you
don’t even have a job now”, the voices in my head kept screaming. Nothing
seemed to be working and my self-esteem had hit rock bottom.
I took the first job that came my way without much thought.
The work was neither exciting nor challenging but there was something about the
place.
A chef whose career was ruined due to injury, a homemaker
who wanted to pay off the family loan, people who left their studies incomplete
to support their family, a writer and a dancer who couldn't follow their dreams due to pressures – they were all there. They joked and laughed about everything
be it deadlines, targets, office politics, pathetic canteen food or personal problems.
Suddenly my problems started appearing smaller.
You might be wondering why am going on and on about a
certain phase of my life. This post was supposed to be about the three photos.
There is a reason.
During a fun activity there, we were asked to get our
childhood photos. In the photos I saw a girl who didn’t care what was happening
around, who was around. It was just the camera and her poses. She loved being
the centre of attention. I met a happy, confident, carefree Brenna whom I had
forgotten. I started loving myself again. In this particular, it’s like I’m saying, “Even if you push
me in a corner, I’ll still pop out.”
I took the second photo especially for this exercise. I put
a lot of thought into how can a photo can say something about me. I tried out a
few poses and asked my family members what it was communicating. Finally, I
zeroed on this one. Hope the message is clear.
“Listening to my heart.” And there is no room for self-doubt
in this phase of my life.
During the next ten years, I would love to have a caring
husband and doting kids as new additions to my family. But I would get married
only when and to whom I want to and not because I have to. Marriage or no
marriage, I’m adopting a baby girl. This is a dream I saw when I was in Class
8.
I used to visit hospitals and orphanages as a part of a
church group. And I wasn’t happy with the way they were handled and thought if
I could do something for at least one of them it would be great.
That’s why I chose this as my third picture. There is one more
addition to this picture- my professional life. I get very bored doing the same
thing. During the next ten years, I would like to be a writer, a blogger, a
creative head, a counselor, an activist, a teacher, a social entrepreneur and a
director. It’s a long way to go and my heart says, “I’ll get there”.
7 comments:
your self portrait is so beautiful! you look really nice brenna! love the pose! :-)
Hey,
I like how you have thought about your personal as well family life in the future. Something I find missing in many pictures including mine.
Your story touched my heart. Its a brilliant thought to adopt a baby girl hope it works out for you.
Hey Brenna, I loved your self portrait! It indeed tells what you want to. One thing that I observed and appreciate is that the innocence on your face from your childhood can still be seen in your later photos. Be as you are.
Brenna:
I was happy to read that you had thought so much about your self portrait and took so much care. It has turned out very well in terms of the way it is lit, your pose, the dress you chose to wear, etc. But my only quibble is the overstatement and melodrama in the hand over heart pose. In your anxiety to have clarity in all that you do, don't forget to include the greys and the confusion that led up to that clarity. Be proud of the process as much as the outcome. Cheers!
A - Ajay
Thanks for the feedback everyone... it was my first attempt at something close to a self portrait .. will use the feedback for the next one..Brenna
I agree that it looks melodramatic. I had a thought when I planned how I want the self portrait to be. But it didn't turn the way I had perceived. I couldn't redo it as I was running out of time.
Will try out something else soon.
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